Isn’t it interesting that when we think of the word “trust”, we often think of people outside of ourselves?
If someone asked you “who do you trust?”, you’d probably start creating a list in your head of family, friends, coworkers, people in your life who have been through meaningful or impactful moments in your life, the people who have lost your trust, and maybe even the lack of trust for strangers etc.
We are always assessing levels of trust with others – who’s gaining it or losing it or if others trust you.
But how long would it take to name you on your list? Are you on your list?
If not, that’s okay. Now you’re aware of that. What do you plan to do with that and grow that?
If you are, did you know that before being asked this? How did you grow that?
What I learned about myself in 2020 after 32 pages of reflection writing in my journal (yeah you read that right, 32 pages lol)… is that I TRUST myself. Now, more than ever before.
And I would put me at the top of my trust list.
It took moving out on my own to a new city to challenge and build that trust more than I’ve ever gotten to experience.
I used to think I was indecisive – about a lot of things, and that it took me a long time to make decisions. Looking back now, I used to look for signals from others if x, y, z was a good choice/decision or be so laid back that I didn’t really care that much if we went with x or y or z.
This year, I realized this was the year of trusting myself in a lot of different ways and putting in years of internal work to build this trust up. It really gave me the experience of trusting myself and practicing it over and over. And being quiet enough with myself to listen to my soul on things.
It started with the new townhome. Trusting myself with going for something that was 1) scary as hell, 2) would use a chunk of my savings so uh money on the line, 3) a huge life decision and responsibility to take on on my own and 4) a quick decision when it actually came time to putting in my offer or I’d lose my opportunity. Once that was all done with, it was picking things out that I liked to furnish the home, which has been my most favorite part of the whole thing. But everything took trust in myself and in the process.
I’m not saying I didn’t have love and support along the way… or people who helped me make hard decisions. Because I most definitely did! And I’m so grateful for that. It’s mostly to say that I was the decision that said yes or no to moving forward. And it was me who would be impacted on whether I followed through on things or not. This was my life – so the person with the most risk right?
When I moved out on my own this summer to a brand new city, I realized that getting this much alone time forced me to really trust my gut on decisions and know what I wanted. It gave me the experience of trusting myself and practicing it over and over.
And it was in simple ways. What do I want to eat for lunch or dinner? What’s my new morning routine going to look like? Do I feel like going for a walk today? Do I have the energy to do a phone call after work hours? What book do I want to read next? What time should I wake up?
And in big ways too. What do my boundaries look like? How am I going to be intentional about work life balance? How am I going to voice my opinion in this email or in this meeting? Is this the right time to bring this up? Should I speak up about this new idea I have? Should I commit to saying yes to this ask? Should I ask my question in this 40+ person meeting? How will I achieve my goals this year? What is my truth?
Did you realize we are constantly being asked by our selves to trust ourselves all the time? To make decisions that either hinder or grow our growth.
The more I was aware of these big and small decisions, the more I grew trust in myself and practiced. The more I discovered that I deserve to take up space with my wants, needs, decisions, ideas, thoughts, and contributions. I deserved to have an opinion and to wait until I felt I trusted that opinion.
I learned (or maybe re-learned) to trust myself. And it’s a beautiful thing. And it took years of internal work.
In 2020, I can say I trust myself to:
✨Love me whole through it all
✨Pick me up and show up on my hardest days
✨Not stop finding the joy in the little things
✨Trust my decisions and ideas, and speak up about them (both in my personal life and at work)
✨Be brave, vocal, and do hard things to grow into my best self
✨Feed my soul only with people, places, and things that match my energy
✨Do solo things and really enjoy them
✨Be unapologetic about the fullness and depth of who I am and my light
✨Use my voice, story, and writing for good
✨To celebrate my wins, no matter how small.
✨To set my heart out on big goals, and achieve what’s meant for me. No matter how long it takes.
2 years ago I wouldn’t have been able to confidently articulate I could do all those things with full trust and peace from myself. I’m thankful that therapy helped give me the tools to build this trust in myself, and reminded me that all the peace that is needed is from within.
It’s not to say that sometimes these won’t feel rocky or that I won’t feel lost here and there, but I think it’s worth declaring and celebrating this growth. I’ve worked so hard to get to this point and that should mean something right? The answer is yes 🙂
Also it will be a reminder on my hard days that I’ve done these hard things time and time again, and survived. And Future Me has done these things, so that should make things less scary. Future Me has survived this, worked through this, done this before… and we’re just meeting her there.
I also trust God and the Universe to have my back, especially on the days I forget this trust.
So much more to do and so much more to be. Can’t wait💫🥰
So in 2020, I learned I trust myself whole heartedly and I can articulate the things I trust about myself.
What did you discover about yourself in 2020? ✨ Maybe reading my list made you realize all the things you trust about yourself too!🥰
P.S. I’m the only one on this planet with my exact smile wrinkles. Why does society want us to get rid of them???🥺
Mercedes Marie 
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